Logics

When I was younger, I always assumed that since I was born and raised in Texas, that I would also live and die here. It always made perfect sense in my head. Where else do I really have to go? What can't I do in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas? Well... I don't know if I feel the same way anymore.

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It didn't take me long to realize how few friends I truly have in Texas. To be honest, I don't have all that many more at Minerva, but the general mindsets and ages of people that I interact with at Minerva is significantly different from that of Dallas.

This morning I was told by my mother that since it was an auspicious day in our culture, I wasn't supposed to eat meat today. I looked down quietly at my omlet. But we have friends who are vegetarian, and they eat eggs all the time. How can we consider it both meant and not meat at the same time?

This was my exciting new deductive argument that I explained to my displeased mother:

1. If egg is meat, vegetarians would not eat eggs.

2. Our vegetarian friends eat eggs.

3. Eggs are not meat.

I ate the omlet anyway.

"I'm getting so tired of your logics," my mom joked. She didn't tell me whether she still thought eggs were considered meat.

The reason I bring this up is because the "logics" frustration has been coming up a lot over the past few months. It's siblings, "oh you found your mouth" and "ever since you went to Minerva you think you know everything," are usually lurking close-by in conversations with other family friends or aunties and uncles I haven't seen in years.

It feels so counterintuitive to me. Since when did using logic become a bad thing? Ok I know I'm just being annoying in the omlet case, but when I bring up research on which country is handling the pandemic better or defend myself when calling something out as racist, why is discussing some disagreement based on evidence automatically considered pretentious?

At Minerva, everyone's expected to argue. That's the whole reason we have a diverse student body and socratic style. It is baked into us to be critical of the world around before blindly accepting normative ideas. We are expected to argue.

I find these ideals to be in tension very frequently when I engage with my mother's generation of Indian Americans. As a part of Indian culture, talking back to anyone older than you is a big no no. Additionally, defending yourself in any way is considered some degree of talking back. So when I point a contradiction that I see about something as simple as eggs being considered meat, the conversation suddenly turns to a subconscious "why are you questioning your elder's authority? Why are you talking back? Why are you being ungrateful?"

That last jump is especially worrisome, and I'd argue, not at all my reason for continuing a discussion. I'm very grateful that I have a mother that is (however begrudgingly) willing to make the effort to evolve her thinking and teachings as a parent. I'm very grateful that she is willing to listen (whether she'll admit it or not) and consider my perspective on things that we don't agree on. That is absolutely a luxury in the Indian American community. I am absolutely always grateful to have her as a mother.

What I do disagree with is blind trust in those who are elder to you. I have met many a people and been burned many a times to know that just because you are older, that does not entail that you are also wiser, the authority on everything, or omniscient. And just because it is in our culture, to me is not evidence for why it's right, but rather a justification for why it exists. On some basic level, I'm sure that everyone understands this. I know nothing about flying planes. I studied English grammar for several years and have used the language all my life. Thus, my authority on questions of English grammar should be considered more valid than those about flying planes. Duh.

But what about questions that are less clear? What about how one should live their life? Should they make their passions their job or their hobby? What about whether one should believe in God and engage in religious ceremonies? Should we part take out of respect for the believers, or should we but honest an abstain in order to be more true to what we believe? What about talking "logics" with your Indian mother? Should you just do what you're told when the stakes aren't that high, or should you stand your ground if you believe something, no matter how small the infraction?

I don't have answers to any of these questions. But I really do miss endlessly talking about them when I'm with my friends at Minerva. I miss staying up till 4am discussing what we owe to our families, and arguing for 3 hours on whether objective moral truth exists. I miss being grateful for a critique and a discussion with someone you disagreed with. I miss that willingness to not look over cultural difference, but to look across cultural differences in search of the truth.

Currently my closest friends that I can physically hang out with are two family friends and my sister, middle schoolers and a high school senior who've never really stepped out of the comfort of their parents' homes or ideas. I don't hate hanging out with them, but it's definitely not the same. The couple NewTech friends I still keep in touch with from high school are all off in their college dorms. And of course my Minerva friends are scattered across different time zones. I'm not saying I'm devastatingly lonely, but sometimes I'll stare out my window and just wait for the day to end. I'm counting the days till I meet my friends again. I don't really have that much to do in Dallas, Texas. I don't think I want to live and die here.

At least not yet.